月見草 (tsukimiso) wrote,

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follow this or die

Gemma's Guide to the Art of (JE) Fanficcing

  1. Never refer to anyone's tongue as their 'wet muscle', because that just sounds gross.

  2. Medical terms for parts of the body are forbidden during sex scenes. Really, it just kills things a whole lot.

  3. Nobody ever 'just knows' what someone else is thinking, unless they're twins, and even then it's not all the time.

  4. Eyes are the windows to the soul. That does not, however, mean that one glance at them can tell you the entirety of what any given person is thinking and/or feeling.

  5. Don't ask obvious questions in your summary. "Will they recognise one another?" "Will they be able to fall in love again?" Well of course they will, you'd have no fic if they didn't.

  6. There are a bunch of obvious, yet decently elegant euphemisms for a guy coming that you could take your pick from. Don't ever use the word 'squirt'.

  7. Unless your character is deaf, he/she can hear. Unless your character is blind, he/she can see. Unless your character is Jin stupid, he/she can think. Unless your character is Ryo a robot, he/she can experience emotion. Description is the key.

  8. It is accepted canon that Ryo has a quick temper. This does not make him six years old, and as such he is unlikely to throw a tantrum and storm off every time he is disagreed with.

  9. Opposites attract. However, two people who each possess every quality the other dislikes in a person are not exactly the likeliest of candidates to fall in love within a week and immediately start to call one another 'darling'.

  10. It is very, very possible to get angry at someone you're in love with. In fact, fighting every so often makes for a healthier relationship.

  11. Not everyone is an excellent kisser, or really good in bed. Even if you're head over heels for someone, they might be a crap lay.

  12. If someone's proud, they're not about to go ahead and do fluffy things all the time even if they want to.

  13. I know it's hard to believe, but Akanishi Jin does actually have a brain.

  14. If what you've just written wouldn't achieve at least a high grade C in an English GCSE exam (finals at age 16), don't post it. Everyone has to start somewhere, but that doesn't mean you have to expose everyone else to it.

  15. Don't inject Author's Notes into your fic. They can wait for the end, or be at the beginning. And never have a conversation with your character during a fic, because that's just odd.

  16. If there is an emoticon anywhere in your fic that's not part of a quoted text message, IM, letter or email then take it the hell out.
Tags: (je) fanfic guide, fanfic, public
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*follows* XD
You do anyway darnit. XD
Sadly (for me at least) I don't fic but I just loved your guide.
You have the most amazing way with words. Wish there were more teachers like you when I was doing my GCSEs.
Actually I'd make a crap teacher, I'm so critical all the time and I'd probably offend my students a lot. XD But thanks!


10 years ago


10 years ago

If what you've just written wouldn't achieve at least a high grade C in an English GCSE exam (finals at age 16), don't post it. Everyone has to start somewhere, but that doesn't mean you have to expose everyone else to it.

WORD. Exposure to badly written smut or just fanfic in general is killing my brain cells. Smut doesn't have to be vulgar or lewd. A

nd I find it horrible that a lot of the guys are stereotyped. Like u said, Ryo and Jin. There are so many facades of their character to explore and yet I keep seeing the same characterisation of Ryo over and over again. Bugs the hell out of me. Thanks for writing this.
Don't mention it. :D Bad fanfic hurts my brain. D: What bugs me the most about stereotyping is that if you go against said stereotype, people automatically assume it's wrong. >>;


10 years ago


10 years ago

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10 years ago

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10 years ago

Dear god...please tell me no one has actually used 'wet muscle' in a fic!?

and your icon is gold!
That was what made me do this, actually. XD

This was awesome. I loved the "Even Jin has a brain." XDD

I've been wanting to write my first solo fic/one-shot. I shall add this to my memories and read it as I write.

Thank you~
Ooo, really? Wow. XD I'm glad it's useful!


10 years ago


10 years ago

I know it's hard to believe, but Akanishi Jin does actually have a brain

Erm....are we sure XD!!

I like your guide, lots of good points.
Aww he's so cute. XD But even though he's slow, he still has a brain! ♥
This was enjoyable XD!!!
Yes, Jin has a brain, it's the number of brain cells that makes him 'Jin'
LOL aww. XD Poor guy, I guess that's what you get from hanging around with Yamapi so much~
Of course. XD
haha! Love it!

I avoid writing smut, or at least where I avoid it when I can, simply because I can't do it well and bad smut really turns my stomach!!

I'm a bit two way about the descriptions...I use to be very descriptive and what I now call 'poetic' or 'flowery', but actually my writing style has shifted and it's getting somewhat 'minimalistic' if that's the right word. I don't know...I think a balance needs to be sort. Scenery I still describe and actions, but with emotions I tend to vary it.
I write smut sometimes - but never, ever alone. XD I can't do it well by myself, and I don't want to subject anyone else to it.

Well yeah, but some people just write like "He did this. He did that. He did something else." with absolutely no description at all - it's difficult and no fun to read. >>
Ahahaa. I LIKE THIS LIST. <3 Totally putting it in my memories.

I fail at a bunch, but yeah. XP
1) ...Has... Has anyone ever called it that?
5) OMG. I hate it when people do that too! @.@
6) ...squirt? No comment.
8) Eh. I just make him an ass who gives as good as he gets, and even better at that.
13) ....Yes, he does. Unfortunately, I fail at that too. ~_~;; I tend to make him a bit... um, stupid, more often than not.
15) 100% Agree. It feels weird and detracks from the story.

....Yes. I'm weird and I commented on your points. @.@ And yeah. That's it for me. <3 Great list again!
Yay! XD

1) Yes. u u That's what gave me the idea for this. XD
2) Haha aww. XD That's how I used to be. ♥
3) Hell yes. u u It's hard to find or even write decent summaries...
6) LMAO. XD Yes.
8) Nothing wrong with that~ I just hate when people exaggerate his character so much that he becomes some kind of incredibly nasty temperamental child. >>
13) He can be stupid. XD But not all the time!
15) I know, I can't believe there are still people who do it...

I commented on your comments to my points. XD I guess that makes me weirder.


*follows diligently*
GOOD. ♥ You should receive your membership card within 5 business days.
"wet muscle" I should haven't read that one
If what you've just written wouldn't achieve at least a high grade C in an English GCSE exam (finals at age 16), don't post it. Everyone has to start somewhere, but that doesn't mean you have to expose everyone else to it.
I'm actually unable to see what mark I'll be given, always have that impression that whatever I do, it's bad (don't mind, I'm more into fanarts than fanfics, easier to me ^^)

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Yeah, because we all know how many times a director will step in and have a chat with his main character during a movie, amirite?

Ahahaha, this is so great! XDDD

I really love this kind of "guide", especially if it's done with a dry sense of humour like yours - and also especially when I notice some of my own tendencies in here! XDDD (Yeah, I have to confess to being guilty of point Nr. 2... it's just that I have a really hard time using most of those euphemisms - "his stiff member", "his dick", "his slightly red, puckered opening" send shivers down my back and not in a good way. So, "penis", "scrotum" and "anus" it is...^^")

Actually, when it comes to those description things, I would generally argue that one also shouldn't go to the other extreme: I do not need to know what kind of material a guy's t-shirt is made from, or what the exact colour is, or how much it cost - it's enough for me to know that he is wearing a shirt. (ESPECIALLY if the guy you're writing about is someone like Ohno, who's so completely incurious about clothes himself that he still lets his mother buy them for him!)
Neither do I need to read flowery descriptions of someone's shocked face just to know that they're shocked (especially not if the description contains sentences like "one glittering crystal drop parted slowly from his beautiful black orbs and made its trembling way down the perfect marble of his cheek." And yeah, I've read that one in a fic before.v-v")

Other than that, though, I completely agree with you! (Oh, Author's Notes in fics, how I love you not.)
It's really amusing that those things happen in every fandom, regardless of what fandom it is or which language it's written in...
Most of the time though, you don't even have to use euphemisms - you can get away just fine with implying something that happens and then writing a reaction to support it so that you don't have to say disgusting stuff like that. >>;

True - and description generally isn't needed so much when writing in first person either (when was the last time you referred to yourself in thought and used adjectives?). But I'd say that too much is arguably better than nothing at all. In intrusive third person, which most people write in, it's decidedly odd to use distinctly positive adjectives like 'beautiful' in reference to the main character since they more than likely wouldn't be thinking that about themselves...

I thought that. XD But I wanted to add some stuff about characterisation of certain people (i.e Ryo and Jin), so I had these apply more to JE.


10 years ago


10 years ago


10 years ago

"wet muscle"



Anyway, really weird and kind of sick discriptions aside, this was hilarious! I seriously can't even believe people actually write like that and dare to put it up... D:
WORD. u u Now if all those people would just read this and understand the error of their ways...
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